I don't like 2009.

Yup, if you think 2008 was bad, i'd like to think that 2009 is worse off.

1) work got more insane. I work permanent night shift for 3 straight weeks, with the possibility that no one is going to relief me.
2) arguments with lin lin are getting from bad to worse.
3) i feel needed, at the wrong place and the wrong time.

1) The UC silo project is beginning to get on my nerve because they are SIMPLY TOO SLOW! Did anyone ever think that a manpower of 100 will get a 70.7m tall silo settled in 3 weeks?! It's ok if you don't celebrate Chinese New Year, but spare a thought for us! And to my stupid company, why would you need so many people to settle one easy project as this?! If i were in charge, i would cut down manpower to a bare minimum. Too bad, i'm one of those underlings in the hierachy chain.

Makes me wonder if i will stay in this company/line for long.

2) We argued over something yesterday, it was really so bad that both of us thought it would be the end. And believe me, i thought it really would happen when a thought almost flashed in my mind, "9th Jan 2009, the day where it all ended." I'm just glad we managed to talk our differences out.

I really don't like this at all. Why does it become like this after 2 years? Worse of all, it only happpens at the time when i need peace and rest the most. I really really hate this. I wished that life would be back to the days where everything was all lovey-dovey et al.

Is this a test? Maybe. Did we fail? No, i failed. I lost my patience. But believe me when i say that night shift makes you into someone you would never have imagined. If all of you out there have never worked at night before, don't comment. Because all you can ever think of after working at night is a good uninterrupted rest on your bed/floor/somewhere you can lie on. And i've not been getting a good sleep these days; my neighbourhood is doing upgrading and there's hammering everywhere.

It kinda hurt when i was called a good actor. Makes me feel so hypocritical. Ah ptui, i'm a hypocrite when i dislike them. Makes me no better than those i dislike.

I'm quite prepared to be called names by those who don't understand. It's ok. Blame it all on me if you like. Like i've not seen anything worse before? The thing is you all don't understand a single thing. So I prefer if you would keep those comments to yourself. Thanks.

3) NS training is beginning to get on my nerve. I realised in horror that my unit is going for ATEC stage 2 for 2 weeks and my notification only tells me that i've to come back for 2 days?! When i told the MO he asked me to make arrangements with the chief clerk for an SAF100A. I doubt my employer will agree on this as its simply too late a notice; UC needs me, 685GDS needs me. I might as well ask lin lin to get a chainsaw and saw me into 2. Half of me delivered to UC, half of me delivered into 685GDS. Good idea huh. I don't want my MO to hate me for not coming back for ATEC, but i still have work commitments. How?

It's only 10 days since the start of 09. But i'm already hating it. 11 months more to go. What can i do? I've never felt so strongly about myself, but yes, i am hating every bit about myself now.

God, help me!